But 1st - the boring review that I need to get out of my system
Every year we need at least one mind-blowing film to remind us of the magic that is cinema. While this year had its share of well-crafted films, none of them rly had that "epic" flavour to them, that element that screams "WATCH ME AGAIN". Then again, ever since LOTR, most films that held the promise of "epic" could only use it to describe the extent of their trainwreck. Last yr most epic film was like Wall-E (Batman was super awesome bt simply not elicit that "wow") and this year Pixar's UP almost held that title. I had thought that maybe now that I was older, I could not be so easily amazed till I saw AVATAR.
I entered the IMAX theatre with high expectations that awaited dissapointment but the moment the movie ended, I had the strongest urge to watch it again right away. And it was not becuz there were aliens fucking. The whole movie experience justified the decade that was devoted to planning and filming this epic. Watching this film would be probably be like watching "A new hope" in the 70s. It engages all your senses as Cameron uses the same 3-act story-telling technique employed in Titanic. The plot and dislogue were pretty cliche but then again, the greatest films in history were comprised of cliches (star wars, casablanca etc). While the whole film was basically "dances with wolves" with smurfs in space, it was the best piece of space opera since star wars.
Like star wars, the plotholes were big enough for deathstars or in this case, giant dinobirds to fly through ( I cannot emphasize how much the cheesisness of plot does not hurt but enhances the enjoyment of the film). It is almost funny how the king of the world seems to take his vision little too seriously and I probably should make fun of this film a little.
Prologue: Yr 2154. All other races other than caucasions are either not interested in making tonnes of money off alien worlds or killed themselves in a mass-sucide pact. Humans have developed inter-galatic travel and despite being ravaged by war, the only weapon adavancement seems to be the obviously pratical mecha suit that for inexplicable reasons holds an separate gun and resembles the one used in the film "aliens".
Cameron: Still less ridiculous than laser swords.
Lucas: They are called lightsabers
Jake: Anyways, I'm a disabled ex-marine that is also a walking motivational poster. The avatar program is a fucking huge investment and the investors have made the rational decision to restore my legs after the program so that I have zero time to adjust to being ambulatory.
Giovanni Ribisi: You will be in an navi body to negotiate a deal with the the natives so they will leave and we can mine the crap out of their village. We can't understand why they wil not accept our gifts of roads and English education. Its like a century of imperialism has taught me nothing.
-Enter Corporal Lyle, a man so ostensibly masculine that he must have a small penis.-
Corporal: Jake, you will be spy for by gaining the trust of the natives so we wipe the floor with their blue asses.
Jake in avatar body: hell yeah, I can run again. I shall now display my strong sprit by disregarding all safety procedures and start running madly.
Dr. Grace: What a hotshot loose cannon. Lets bring him along for our missions from now on. Nothing bad can happen.
-Something bad happens-
Jake: Fuck
Navi Princess Neytiri sees Jake and decides to kill him but then changes her mind and saves him from a pack of wolves.
Neytiri: Wow, all those jellyfish seeds are attracted to you. You must be chosen by Eywa
Jake: Eywhat?! (No, this pun was not used but it totally should have been)
Plot exposition though scientist: Eywa is a force that ensures balance on Pandora. Its like..
Lucas: THE FORCE?!
James: NO.! Its a goddess formed by "special bio-chemical reactions"
Lucas: kind of like MIDCHLORIANS?!
James: 3 words ---JAR JAR BINKS
Lucas: At least I expressed my freudian obession with humanoid aliens in sequels!
-Neytiri is instructed to inculcate Jake Navi with culture and teaches Jake how to bond with animals in an overtly sexual manner. Logically, they fall in love and enagage in disturbing sex for 5 seconds after Jake passes the whole initiation process. This 5 seconds would now be feature in wet dreams of furries worldwide and be fodder for numerous blue films spinoffs ( GEDDIT? BLUE FILMS? NO? I"M TYPING IN CAPS?)-
James: I am not a furry
Audience: Right...
The next morning , bulldozers come to clear the village. Jake fights bulldozer and wins.
Jake: You guys must evacuate or be xterminated. It was my mission to tell you guys to leave
Neytiri: I trusted you. Booohoo
The Navi do not listen and attack the the metal gunships with bows and arrows. They get blown up. Jake survives.
James: Look at all these violence and exploitation. I am an awesome social commentator.
Jack: I must gain back the Navi's trust. They seem to adore extreme feats of stupidity.
Jack attacks a huge-ass dragon in the sky and bonds with it. This impresses the Navi and Jake rallies the Navi to fight back.
Jake: They have sent us a message, that they can take our land. But they will never take our freedom. SO we'll send them a message, that THIS, this IS SPARTA!!!
Corporal Lyle: We will fight terror with terror.
James: Now I'm commenting on the war on terroism
Audience: Just get to the explosions already!
-A CGI budget enough to feed all the children in an African nation is spent on the epic battle in a movie that preaches peace and harmony.-
Michelle rodigrez: To show that only human males are jackasses, I have decided to paint my GUNSHIP in tribal colours and join the Navi
Lyle: Fucking bitch. This is why women should not be allowed in the army
Jake: Thats really nice, but would it not be more effective if you just blend in with the human army and sneak attack the mothership?!
Michelle rodigrez: Meh...
-She gets blown up-
Human pilots: Why are we not using missiles? How the fuck are bows and arrows that failed just minutes ago now working against us? Why are we missing that dragon that is larger than a floating mountain? Why are the mountains even floating?!
Mountain: Physics is my bitch
- The Navi win a bit. Then they lose. Then they win again. Also, every creature on Pandora come screw the villians over like in a Disney movie -
The Human army: Fuck this, next time we attack a planet, we build a fucking DEATHSTAR.
Jake: FREEDOM!
- END-
But really, I thought this was the best film of the decade.
Also, JAMES HOWARD NEWTON!!!!!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Either he gets an A or expelled
Well, my brother had to write a poem for some holiday assignment about colours, and I agreed to write it if he buys the takaways for the rest of the hols. He was pretty adamant that it needed to rhyme.
The downpour dried up before it kissed the ground
And fashioned a bow for the sky
The purple-choked lips screamed like something drowned
Their silent smiles a white lie
You can line up all the still blue bodies in a crown
And soak it red as a pizza pie
My yellow smile would still mask the delightful frown
For it will never be enough!
Even if you dismembered all the pieces into the most vibrant mosaic
It will still lack that something black
Meh, he didn't like it, so I told him that he can do all the lines in their respective colours. It was pretty cute. LOLOLOL!
The downpour dried up before it kissed the ground
And fashioned a bow for the sky
The purple-choked lips screamed like something drowned
Their silent smiles a white lie
You can line up all the still blue bodies in a crown
And soak it red as a pizza pie
My yellow smile would still mask the delightful frown
For it will never be enough!
Even if you dismembered all the pieces into the most vibrant mosaic
It will still lack that something black
Meh, he didn't like it, so I told him that he can do all the lines in their respective colours. It was pretty cute. LOLOLOL!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Maybe I need to buy new glasses
She was a silent smile
Carved from the silent moon
tranquil under the silent noon
Indulging in her own silent style
Till she opened her silent lips
To speak with a silent lisp
"I'm a terrestial stone"
In case you ask, No, it is not shaped as a phallic symbol.
Carved from the silent moon
tranquil under the silent noon
Indulging in her own silent style
Till she opened her silent lips
To speak with a silent lisp
"I'm a terrestial stone"
In case you ask, No, it is not shaped as a phallic symbol.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
From Foodaphilia to Zoophilia
The blue sky collapsed
Billowing red in his wake
Leaving shadows of an ancient watcher
Who bleeds
for the Man of Tomorrow?
Just finished reading the best comics ever( in my opinion). Sandman and the elseworld series were freaking awesome and deserved the name of "graphic novels". While Frankmiller or Alan Moore has yet to be truly indcuted into the hall of fame that hosts Mark Twain or Shakespeare, graphic novel possess all the hallmarks of great literature and they should be given the same recognition. How awesome would it be if for lit, we were doing Watchmen or better yet, BATMAN (no sexual charge intended with the word "doing"). I mean, their existence actually preceded the art of film so the excuse of "give it time" should not exist. Well, some pointed out that comics are essentially juvenile ( I blame Japanese manga) but that is freaking lame. I mean, for novels, there exists black sheep like "Twilight" and for movies, well... TWILIGHT!!!
Hmm, since we are on Twilight, if you were given a choice between hairless werewolves or food-fucking emo vampires, which would you do (this 1 is sexually charged). I guess only Bella Swan has to make that choice.
SO, where was I. Oh right, Kingdom come is awesome. KINGDOM CAME!
- END -
Billowing red in his wake
Leaving shadows of an ancient watcher
Who bleeds
for the Man of Tomorrow?
Just finished reading the best comics ever( in my opinion). Sandman and the elseworld series were freaking awesome and deserved the name of "graphic novels". While Frankmiller or Alan Moore has yet to be truly indcuted into the hall of fame that hosts Mark Twain or Shakespeare, graphic novel possess all the hallmarks of great literature and they should be given the same recognition. How awesome would it be if for lit, we were doing Watchmen or better yet, BATMAN (no sexual charge intended with the word "doing"). I mean, their existence actually preceded the art of film so the excuse of "give it time" should not exist. Well, some pointed out that comics are essentially juvenile ( I blame Japanese manga) but that is freaking lame. I mean, for novels, there exists black sheep like "Twilight" and for movies, well... TWILIGHT!!!
Hmm, since we are on Twilight, if you were given a choice between hairless werewolves or food-fucking emo vampires, which would you do (this 1 is sexually charged). I guess only Bella Swan has to make that choice.
SO, where was I. Oh right, Kingdom come is awesome. KINGDOM CAME!
- END -
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Extreme philosophers spell connexions with an "x"
Promos are coming but now is the freaking holidays. So suck it, books.
- Some random thoughts I had -
Fade in
Batman and Robin stand in front of 1000 ninjas
Robin : This hardly seems fair...
Batman(smug) : yep. They don't stand a chance.
That will be an awesome scene if batman was directed by quentin tarantino.
- Weird observation of lasers-
we all know how lasers defy physics in movies but none of the lasers 2day are as mindblowing as those in 70s cartoons.
In those days, everything fired lasers. Dinosaurs had horns that fired laser, vampires fire lasers from their eyes and teeth, even lasers fire lasers. It was teh ultimate phallic symbol, unless fired from vaginas, then the writers must have been fairly confused. Travelling slower than human running speed, they always find a intrinsic homing system on indestructible character and weird shit happens
Typical scene:
Laser hit some Ironman
It bounces back, hits a chandelier, which falls and traps the villian, resulting in some twirling stars ( which looked like lasers)
Villian dressed in black or purple to denote his villiany or gayness: Why the fuck did that happen?!
Laser: Because I can!
Well, Hope to watch at least 1 good movie this holiday.
- Some random thoughts I had -
Fade in
Batman and Robin stand in front of 1000 ninjas
Robin : This hardly seems fair...
Batman(smug) : yep. They don't stand a chance.
That will be an awesome scene if batman was directed by quentin tarantino.
- Weird observation of lasers-
we all know how lasers defy physics in movies but none of the lasers 2day are as mindblowing as those in 70s cartoons.
In those days, everything fired lasers. Dinosaurs had horns that fired laser, vampires fire lasers from their eyes and teeth, even lasers fire lasers. It was teh ultimate phallic symbol, unless fired from vaginas, then the writers must have been fairly confused. Travelling slower than human running speed, they always find a intrinsic homing system on indestructible character and weird shit happens
Typical scene:
Laser hit some Ironman
It bounces back, hits a chandelier, which falls and traps the villian, resulting in some twirling stars ( which looked like lasers)
Villian dressed in black or purple to denote his villiany or gayness: Why the fuck did that happen?!
Laser: Because I can!
Well, Hope to watch at least 1 good movie this holiday.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The African Monkey strikes again
Wasn't Cullen's dad a doctor or something?
Doc: Edward, you have aids
Gay Cullen: WTF?!
Doc: Drinking blood from random animals is never a good idea.
Doc: Edward, you have aids
Gay Cullen: WTF?!
Doc: Drinking blood from random animals is never a good idea.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sometimes I argue with myself and end up losing
I ran through the storm
to convince myself
That it was only raindrops
dripping from my lashes
I drank from the mud
To decieve myself
that the bitter bile
could be washed down with water
I wrote with magic markers
to believe
that in remembering
I will forget
to convince myself
That it was only raindrops
dripping from my lashes
I drank from the mud
To decieve myself
that the bitter bile
could be washed down with water
I wrote with magic markers
to believe
that in remembering
I will forget
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The truth is made of more awesomeness and win
Behold, all my brethen, the the 1 pedia to end all wiki, the 1 medium to end all online satire, THE CONSERVAPEDIA.
At first glance, the site looks to be a legit bullshit collection similiar to the onion or uncyclopedia, set up as a medium where we can all mock the conservative nutheads (Bill O'Reily). The sad truth however I found after some digging disproved the long standing theory that conservatists are too dumb to operate the computer.
For example, look at this article on wikipedia -" It is wholesale purveyor of lies and slander unlike any other the world has ever known" and on liberal - "someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reason". Obviously, this site is highly objective and unbiased. Afterall, we only need look at the pure logic of the following article on gays.
"if all Americans turned homosexual it would only take a few generations for the United States to lose most of the population of the country through lack of procreation. This would make the US more vulnerable to attack by our enemies"
Can't argue with that. The world turning gay = NO more reproduction. What an deep and analytical insight. They should win the Nobel Prize for their genius or something.
what was truly awesome was that they linked Obama to communism, elitism and muslim but named Hilter as a man who consciously sought to make the practices of Germany conform to the theory of evolution. Well, so America chose a worse leader than Adolf.
THis guys make scientologists look like saints.
At first glance, the site looks to be a legit bullshit collection similiar to the onion or uncyclopedia, set up as a medium where we can all mock the conservative nutheads (Bill O'Reily). The sad truth however I found after some digging disproved the long standing theory that conservatists are too dumb to operate the computer.
For example, look at this article on wikipedia -" It is wholesale purveyor of lies and slander unlike any other the world has ever known" and on liberal - "someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reason". Obviously, this site is highly objective and unbiased. Afterall, we only need look at the pure logic of the following article on gays.
"if all Americans turned homosexual it would only take a few generations for the United States to lose most of the population of the country through lack of procreation. This would make the US more vulnerable to attack by our enemies"
Can't argue with that. The world turning gay = NO more reproduction. What an deep and analytical insight. They should win the Nobel Prize for their genius or something.
what was truly awesome was that they linked Obama to communism, elitism and muslim but named Hilter as a man who consciously sought to make the practices of Germany conform to the theory of evolution. Well, so America chose a worse leader than Adolf.
THis guys make scientologists look like saints.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
One day I'll get to whisper
Headache. Like bees around my head Nicholas Cage style. Only the bees were on fire and weren't CGI. Ate some honey to soothe throat. Suck that, bees, I'm eating your shit!!!! Metaphor getting out of hand.
Had to cancel the tution lessons, losing me 70 freaking dollars. No income for the week. Not that I care. In all truth, these plastic notes are but monopoly money, assigned a value by our institutions. Even a return to the gold standard wouldn't change that. Gold is useless, made valuable only by our feeble faculties that equate aesthetics and scarcity to value. Arggh, who am I kidding!
On an unrelated note, I wished that the Swine Flu would evolve and turn us all into Pig-zombies. That'll be pretty interesting. Personally, I want powers like those of spider-pig and use it to take over the world. My plan would go something like this.
Swine flu - everybody dies - Everybody pig zombies - I eat some spiders - A miracle occurs - I take over the world - Pig zombies start flying like airpork mascots
A++++ - Micheal bay could probably turn this into a movie, filling every stage of the plan with random explosions and make the pigs fly in slow motion.
Had to cancel the tution lessons, losing me 70 freaking dollars. No income for the week. Not that I care. In all truth, these plastic notes are but monopoly money, assigned a value by our institutions. Even a return to the gold standard wouldn't change that. Gold is useless, made valuable only by our feeble faculties that equate aesthetics and scarcity to value. Arggh, who am I kidding!
On an unrelated note, I wished that the Swine Flu would evolve and turn us all into Pig-zombies. That'll be pretty interesting. Personally, I want powers like those of spider-pig and use it to take over the world. My plan would go something like this.
Swine flu - everybody dies - Everybody pig zombies - I eat some spiders - A miracle occurs - I take over the world - Pig zombies start flying like airpork mascots
A++++ - Micheal bay could probably turn this into a movie, filling every stage of the plan with random explosions and make the pigs fly in slow motion.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Raw Sharks
Wouldn't it be wondeful
if the world was a blank canvas
Interspersed with random specks of oblivion
Circulary consuming their tails
Intepretating
these random pattens
Blind to all
save black and white
Devoid of meaning
Only Self-Justifying pareidolia
Whispering
"Even in the face of Armageddon, in this I shall not compromise"
I was struck by an intangible fear in my fustration 2day. In workings of the day I shall not bother to illustrate, I chanced upon a fascinating coicidence that seemed to a culmination of all my random actions of 2 days past. It was a surreal experience, almost comparable to the result of intricate clockwork mechanism.
Maybe it was through reading watchmen, I dwelled on this occurence. Is this miraculous event meaningful in any way or is it simply a stastical anamoly. What exactly constitutes a statstical anamoly anyway? In probabilty, there always exists a certain chance for the occurence of statistical anamoly. Having a planet that can support life would be considered an anamoly for the universe, or as Dr. Manhattan stated, the birth of a new live by fusing a sperm and an egg selected from millions is comparable to a thermodynamic miracle. But, in that sense, wouldn't the creation of life be akin to the selection of a specific hand from a deck of cards. There is no miracle about it, simply humans assign and imposing their own intepretations.
Miraculous coicidences are in fact bound to occur since if we ascertain the value of a miracle as being "one in a million", then looking at a millions things a day (we probably see more things than that in a day), a "miracle" would no doubt happen. Extending the same logic, since even miracles are meaningless, what of life which is merely comprised of all these random and predetermined moments.
Is it just a greater form of pareidolia at work, causing us to assume patterns and assigning significance where there is none. We shape the world and the world shapes us, is this a perpetual cycle or is it a wheel that might roll us towards some abstract destiny? Was my poem make any sense or did I simply threw some words together to tangle up into an ungrammatical mess? God, It didn't even have a fucking ryhme scheme
Arggh, this is all so disgusting and not funny! Screw it, I'm gonna to do Maths.
if the world was a blank canvas
Interspersed with random specks of oblivion
Circulary consuming their tails
Intepretating
these random pattens
Blind to all
save black and white
Devoid of meaning
Only Self-Justifying pareidolia
Whispering
"Even in the face of Armageddon, in this I shall not compromise"
I was struck by an intangible fear in my fustration 2day. In workings of the day I shall not bother to illustrate, I chanced upon a fascinating coicidence that seemed to a culmination of all my random actions of 2 days past. It was a surreal experience, almost comparable to the result of intricate clockwork mechanism.
Maybe it was through reading watchmen, I dwelled on this occurence. Is this miraculous event meaningful in any way or is it simply a stastical anamoly. What exactly constitutes a statstical anamoly anyway? In probabilty, there always exists a certain chance for the occurence of statistical anamoly. Having a planet that can support life would be considered an anamoly for the universe, or as Dr. Manhattan stated, the birth of a new live by fusing a sperm and an egg selected from millions is comparable to a thermodynamic miracle. But, in that sense, wouldn't the creation of life be akin to the selection of a specific hand from a deck of cards. There is no miracle about it, simply humans assign and imposing their own intepretations.
Miraculous coicidences are in fact bound to occur since if we ascertain the value of a miracle as being "one in a million", then looking at a millions things a day (we probably see more things than that in a day), a "miracle" would no doubt happen. Extending the same logic, since even miracles are meaningless, what of life which is merely comprised of all these random and predetermined moments.
Is it just a greater form of pareidolia at work, causing us to assume patterns and assigning significance where there is none. We shape the world and the world shapes us, is this a perpetual cycle or is it a wheel that might roll us towards some abstract destiny? Was my poem make any sense or did I simply threw some words together to tangle up into an ungrammatical mess? God, It didn't even have a fucking ryhme scheme
Arggh, this is all so disgusting and not funny! Screw it, I'm gonna to do Maths.
Friday, April 3, 2009
mousketears
Hmm, was browsing through Emmy-winning simpsons when I saw the best Pinky and the brain episode - Pinky and the Brain Christmas Special. It was just so amazing.
Directed by non other than Steven Spielberg himself who channelled his amazing powers from E.T and A.I into this special feature, it really made me wonder how the hell some1 like him could have made the CGI monkey shit that was "kingdom of the crystal Skull".
Oh yeh, heres one of my favourite convos from Pinky and the brain when I watched it as a kid.
(Brain) "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
(Pinky) Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim Brain.
(Brain) True.
(Pinky) I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?
(Brain) To my knowledge, never.
(Pinky) Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?
(Brain) Next to nil.
(Pinky) Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.
(Brain) Therefore, you *are* pondering what I'm pondering.
(Pinky) Poit, I guess I am!
Directed by non other than Steven Spielberg himself who channelled his amazing powers from E.T and A.I into this special feature, it really made me wonder how the hell some1 like him could have made the CGI monkey shit that was "kingdom of the crystal Skull".
Oh yeh, heres one of my favourite convos from Pinky and the brain when I watched it as a kid.
(Brain) "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
(Pinky) Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim Brain.
(Brain) True.
(Pinky) I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?
(Brain) To my knowledge, never.
(Pinky) Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?
(Brain) Next to nil.
(Pinky) Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.
(Brain) Therefore, you *are* pondering what I'm pondering.
(Pinky) Poit, I guess I am!
Clowns will be jokers, rats will be bats
Yeh, thinkquest in done. Teehee, now only left econs test, PI, KI lit review and cons project.
Well anyway, I had this really awesome dream last week, its was the best dream ever cos it featured Batman, and the not the exploding-shark-batman.
Well, I was aliens, yep, aliens,as in plural, fuzzy abouthow that really work out. Anyway, I had blasters and stuff and purple skin, and wore darth vader masks, which is freaking awesome. Then, suddenly, Batman punched me cos he is VIOLENT and BADADASS.
Then he totally dissapeared and then appeared, punched random mes and then disspeared. He then appeared and throw batwangs at me and then disspeared again.
Probably thought it was funny or something.
Somehow his ninja skills was so awesome he could basically hide from all the MEs even though he was a fuckin giant bat.
After he kicked more ass
Random me: why are you owning our ass
Batman : I am the goddamned Batman.
He could actually be seen when he said this so I shot him
ANd he deflected it with a Btawang and killed me.
Another ME: Batman doesn't kill!
Batman took off his mask and said: "Why so serious?". Guess who that was. Well, so the random MEs ran like idiots and then my dad woke me up.
The only way the dream could have been more awesome is that the Random MEs can tear off the our Darth Vader masks and become Batmans.
Well anyway, I had this really awesome dream last week, its was the best dream ever cos it featured Batman, and the not the exploding-shark-batman.
Well, I was aliens, yep, aliens,as in plural, fuzzy abouthow that really work out. Anyway, I had blasters and stuff and purple skin, and wore darth vader masks, which is freaking awesome. Then, suddenly, Batman punched me cos he is VIOLENT and BADADASS.
Then he totally dissapeared and then appeared, punched random mes and then disspeared. He then appeared and throw batwangs at me and then disspeared again.
Probably thought it was funny or something.
Somehow his ninja skills was so awesome he could basically hide from all the MEs even though he was a fuckin giant bat.
After he kicked more ass
Random me: why are you owning our ass
Batman : I am the goddamned Batman.
He could actually be seen when he said this so I shot him
ANd he deflected it with a Btawang and killed me.
Another ME: Batman doesn't kill!
Batman took off his mask and said: "Why so serious?". Guess who that was. Well, so the random MEs ran like idiots and then my dad woke me up.
The only way the dream could have been more awesome is that the Random MEs can tear off the our Darth Vader masks and become Batmans.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Why so sullen? Edward Cullen
Vampires are awesome
Vampires that do not drink blood are losers
Sparkling vampires that do not drink blood are gay losers
Spakling vampires that do not drink blood and fuck with their food ( Jim Levenstein from American Pie is not the only one insert their parts into random objects) are Edward Cullens
Enough said (or not)
the only thing worse than the characters in this poor excuse for toilet paper is her writing. I could imagine Meyer rupturing in organsm as she wrote about the "cold marble lips of the living Adonis".
For a good modern intepretation of vampire romance, I recommend Peeps by Scott Westerfield but the best is still "I am legend" (not the Will Smith version you saw in theatres)
Vampires that do not drink blood are losers
Sparkling vampires that do not drink blood are gay losers
Spakling vampires that do not drink blood and fuck with their food ( Jim Levenstein from American Pie is not the only one insert their parts into random objects) are Edward Cullens
Enough said (or not)
the only thing worse than the characters in this poor excuse for toilet paper is her writing. I could imagine Meyer rupturing in organsm as she wrote about the "cold marble lips of the living Adonis".
For a good modern intepretation of vampire romance, I recommend Peeps by Scott Westerfield but the best is still "I am legend" (not the Will Smith version you saw in theatres)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
WHAT TIME IS IT?!
Contrary to popular belief, tiger beer is not made with tiger penis, so I declare this poem time.
Blue bells of Valentines
Red lines of twine
My cupid has resigned
To a depressed rest
In the treasure chest
Locked below my breasts
You’ve hidden the only key
Among rose petals beneath your tree
That curves with your gleaming crescents
Beaming smiles for my constant anti-depressant
I hear the grave tolling of the blue bells
The melancholy and lonely its notes foretells
Trapping my heart in its musical cell
Guess I’ll play my forlorn tune
And linger in this gloomy cocoon
Hoping that full moons get faded soon
Neither is it Valentines but since life is absurd according to KI, I shall try to be as ridiculous
"I could not bear to see your heart broken, so I cracked your skull open"
that would make an awesome Joker quote. Teehee
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
And Edison sodomised a hen
My mom forced me to look through my brother's maths homework today. It was awful, like really shaowei-failing-maths awful.
Me: You are going to clean toilets at the rate your are going
Bro: Einstein was retarded when he was a kid
Me: WTF?!
Evidently, they learned that from their chinese text, which really disturbs me, then again its Singapore's screwed up education system. (The Lee spies will probably come to me with a pointy reckoning for this).
To clear this up, Einstein IS A FREAKING GENIUS, EVEN WHEN HE WAS A KID. HE WAS earning his math PHD when we were screwing around with trigo. The only thing retarded about him is his hair, so there.
BTW, I was also misguided into thinking that Benjamin Franklin discovered electricty when his kite conuducted a whole damn ligtning bolt to him. That is freaking stupid and untrue. Lightning fucking kills you. Period. I heard that the origins of this myth was a disney cartoon.
Well, I guess textbooks pretty much publishes anything that our gullible citizens believe to be true ( thank god for KI). When the Lee Danasty finally declares themselves to be dictators for life, the textbooks will probably say that MM Lee discovered SIngapore with his slaves, Raffles and David Marshall.
Me: You are going to clean toilets at the rate your are going
Bro: Einstein was retarded when he was a kid
Me: WTF?!
Evidently, they learned that from their chinese text, which really disturbs me, then again its Singapore's screwed up education system. (The Lee spies will probably come to me with a pointy reckoning for this).
To clear this up, Einstein IS A FREAKING GENIUS, EVEN WHEN HE WAS A KID. HE WAS earning his math PHD when we were screwing around with trigo. The only thing retarded about him is his hair, so there.
BTW, I was also misguided into thinking that Benjamin Franklin discovered electricty when his kite conuducted a whole damn ligtning bolt to him. That is freaking stupid and untrue. Lightning fucking kills you. Period. I heard that the origins of this myth was a disney cartoon.
Well, I guess textbooks pretty much publishes anything that our gullible citizens believe to be true ( thank god for KI). When the Lee Danasty finally declares themselves to be dictators for life, the textbooks will probably say that MM Lee discovered SIngapore with his slaves, Raffles and David Marshall.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Cheer Time!!!
Days of barbaric chanting has turned my brain to mush, but whatever crap I write can't be worse than Apollo's current cheer.
Why does this blows
Cos we Apollo
Pimps and Slut hoes
All from Apollo
Now the weeds grow
Over Apollo
Super shallow
Glowing Apollo
Why does this blows
Cos we Apollo
Pimps and Slut hoes
All from Apollo
Now the weeds grow
Over Apollo
Super shallow
Glowing Apollo
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Terrifying stupidity
A Modest Proposal
Lets go defame all intellactual property we are too dumb to understand!
Well, and that was an example of a short satire.
WHAT do you mean that wasn't an irony piece? The title is the very fundamentals that satire is built upon. Sheesh, you guys should learn to judge stuff by its cover...
Well, now that I'm busy and can play dota, i really shouldn't be posting, but well I simply to release the indignation that had been ignited by a review I just read. Well, it kind of reminded me of how awesome Terror Island was as a webcomic and how crestfallen I was when it ended. Anyways, I stumbled on this piece of crap (http://webcomicssobad.blogspot.com/2007/11/terror-island.html) while searching for new productions of the authors. The ignorance this retard had displayed simply shows why shitty senseless comdies like drawn together can actually get millions of viewers, matching that of the stellar and brillantly written 30 rock. Well, his stupidity and inability to undertstand some of the jokes is comprehensible but his critism simply displayed such naivety and Oh god! what a boring review it was. Well, that was my review of someone else's review of a webcomic.
Support Terror Island! Support non-profit Innovation!
P.S terror island is a photocomic that stars philosophical chess pieces, not that godawful movie of the same name.
Lets go defame all intellactual property we are too dumb to understand!
Well, and that was an example of a short satire.
WHAT do you mean that wasn't an irony piece? The title is the very fundamentals that satire is built upon. Sheesh, you guys should learn to judge stuff by its cover...
Well, now that I'm busy and can play dota, i really shouldn't be posting, but well I simply to release the indignation that had been ignited by a review I just read. Well, it kind of reminded me of how awesome Terror Island was as a webcomic and how crestfallen I was when it ended. Anyways, I stumbled on this piece of crap (http://webcomicssobad.blogspot.com/2007/11/terror-island.html) while searching for new productions of the authors. The ignorance this retard had displayed simply shows why shitty senseless comdies like drawn together can actually get millions of viewers, matching that of the stellar and brillantly written 30 rock. Well, his stupidity and inability to undertstand some of the jokes is comprehensible but his critism simply displayed such naivety and Oh god! what a boring review it was. Well, that was my review of someone else's review of a webcomic.
Support Terror Island! Support non-profit Innovation!
P.S terror island is a photocomic that stars philosophical chess pieces, not that godawful movie of the same name.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Its PEANUTBUTTERJELLYTIME!!!!!!!
Raindance
Plant the lifeless seed
In this frozen desert
Amidst the stampede of weed
And the tempest of dirt
Remember last summer
Before the tygers
We watch the sky soak in soft lavender
White angels dance against crimson embers
Now black devils ascend from fiery hell
Burning with thirst the Nile can’t quell
In their wake stalks sulphuric smells
And ashes whispering of the life they fell
Bring back the sparkling meanders
Or face the wrath of African dancers
“POUR WITH THE TEARS OF A THOUSAND HEAVENS”
I cried for the return of nature’s haven
The sky fissured as thunder rolled
As the fury of Oya took its toll
Hell gagged and gurgled from the flood
Vanished in a euphoric explosion of Grease and blood
When the storm began to mellow
Across the horizon burst forth a rainbow
The chestnut soldier rooted itself against the bridge of red blue and yellow
Branches stretched to resemble a holy cross
Rigid in the rubble of lichen and moss
I got this warm fuzzy feeling in my guts
And thought, “Oh God, I’m high on drugs”
Yeah, I got really bored during the 4th stanza and so decided to have some fun. So here it is in all its glory.
Teehee, Random Religious References
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