Behold, all my brethen, the the 1 pedia to end all wiki, the 1 medium to end all online satire, THE CONSERVAPEDIA.
At first glance, the site looks to be a legit bullshit collection similiar to the onion or uncyclopedia, set up as a medium where we can all mock the conservative nutheads (Bill O'Reily). The sad truth however I found after some digging disproved the long standing theory that conservatists are too dumb to operate the computer.
For example, look at this article on wikipedia -" It is wholesale purveyor of lies and slander unlike any other the world has ever known" and on liberal - "someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reason". Obviously, this site is highly objective and unbiased. Afterall, we only need look at the pure logic of the following article on gays.
"if all Americans turned homosexual it would only take a few generations for the United States to lose most of the population of the country through lack of procreation. This would make the US more vulnerable to attack by our enemies"
Can't argue with that. The world turning gay = NO more reproduction. What an deep and analytical insight. They should win the Nobel Prize for their genius or something.
what was truly awesome was that they linked Obama to communism, elitism and muslim but named Hilter as a man who consciously sought to make the practices of Germany conform to the theory of evolution. Well, so America chose a worse leader than Adolf.
THis guys make scientologists look like saints.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
One day I'll get to whisper
Headache. Like bees around my head Nicholas Cage style. Only the bees were on fire and weren't CGI. Ate some honey to soothe throat. Suck that, bees, I'm eating your shit!!!! Metaphor getting out of hand.
Had to cancel the tution lessons, losing me 70 freaking dollars. No income for the week. Not that I care. In all truth, these plastic notes are but monopoly money, assigned a value by our institutions. Even a return to the gold standard wouldn't change that. Gold is useless, made valuable only by our feeble faculties that equate aesthetics and scarcity to value. Arggh, who am I kidding!
On an unrelated note, I wished that the Swine Flu would evolve and turn us all into Pig-zombies. That'll be pretty interesting. Personally, I want powers like those of spider-pig and use it to take over the world. My plan would go something like this.
Swine flu - everybody dies - Everybody pig zombies - I eat some spiders - A miracle occurs - I take over the world - Pig zombies start flying like airpork mascots
A++++ - Micheal bay could probably turn this into a movie, filling every stage of the plan with random explosions and make the pigs fly in slow motion.
Had to cancel the tution lessons, losing me 70 freaking dollars. No income for the week. Not that I care. In all truth, these plastic notes are but monopoly money, assigned a value by our institutions. Even a return to the gold standard wouldn't change that. Gold is useless, made valuable only by our feeble faculties that equate aesthetics and scarcity to value. Arggh, who am I kidding!
On an unrelated note, I wished that the Swine Flu would evolve and turn us all into Pig-zombies. That'll be pretty interesting. Personally, I want powers like those of spider-pig and use it to take over the world. My plan would go something like this.
Swine flu - everybody dies - Everybody pig zombies - I eat some spiders - A miracle occurs - I take over the world - Pig zombies start flying like airpork mascots
A++++ - Micheal bay could probably turn this into a movie, filling every stage of the plan with random explosions and make the pigs fly in slow motion.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Raw Sharks
Wouldn't it be wondeful
if the world was a blank canvas
Interspersed with random specks of oblivion
Circulary consuming their tails
Intepretating
these random pattens
Blind to all
save black and white
Devoid of meaning
Only Self-Justifying pareidolia
Whispering
"Even in the face of Armageddon, in this I shall not compromise"
I was struck by an intangible fear in my fustration 2day. In workings of the day I shall not bother to illustrate, I chanced upon a fascinating coicidence that seemed to a culmination of all my random actions of 2 days past. It was a surreal experience, almost comparable to the result of intricate clockwork mechanism.
Maybe it was through reading watchmen, I dwelled on this occurence. Is this miraculous event meaningful in any way or is it simply a stastical anamoly. What exactly constitutes a statstical anamoly anyway? In probabilty, there always exists a certain chance for the occurence of statistical anamoly. Having a planet that can support life would be considered an anamoly for the universe, or as Dr. Manhattan stated, the birth of a new live by fusing a sperm and an egg selected from millions is comparable to a thermodynamic miracle. But, in that sense, wouldn't the creation of life be akin to the selection of a specific hand from a deck of cards. There is no miracle about it, simply humans assign and imposing their own intepretations.
Miraculous coicidences are in fact bound to occur since if we ascertain the value of a miracle as being "one in a million", then looking at a millions things a day (we probably see more things than that in a day), a "miracle" would no doubt happen. Extending the same logic, since even miracles are meaningless, what of life which is merely comprised of all these random and predetermined moments.
Is it just a greater form of pareidolia at work, causing us to assume patterns and assigning significance where there is none. We shape the world and the world shapes us, is this a perpetual cycle or is it a wheel that might roll us towards some abstract destiny? Was my poem make any sense or did I simply threw some words together to tangle up into an ungrammatical mess? God, It didn't even have a fucking ryhme scheme
Arggh, this is all so disgusting and not funny! Screw it, I'm gonna to do Maths.
if the world was a blank canvas
Interspersed with random specks of oblivion
Circulary consuming their tails
Intepretating
these random pattens
Blind to all
save black and white
Devoid of meaning
Only Self-Justifying pareidolia
Whispering
"Even in the face of Armageddon, in this I shall not compromise"
I was struck by an intangible fear in my fustration 2day. In workings of the day I shall not bother to illustrate, I chanced upon a fascinating coicidence that seemed to a culmination of all my random actions of 2 days past. It was a surreal experience, almost comparable to the result of intricate clockwork mechanism.
Maybe it was through reading watchmen, I dwelled on this occurence. Is this miraculous event meaningful in any way or is it simply a stastical anamoly. What exactly constitutes a statstical anamoly anyway? In probabilty, there always exists a certain chance for the occurence of statistical anamoly. Having a planet that can support life would be considered an anamoly for the universe, or as Dr. Manhattan stated, the birth of a new live by fusing a sperm and an egg selected from millions is comparable to a thermodynamic miracle. But, in that sense, wouldn't the creation of life be akin to the selection of a specific hand from a deck of cards. There is no miracle about it, simply humans assign and imposing their own intepretations.
Miraculous coicidences are in fact bound to occur since if we ascertain the value of a miracle as being "one in a million", then looking at a millions things a day (we probably see more things than that in a day), a "miracle" would no doubt happen. Extending the same logic, since even miracles are meaningless, what of life which is merely comprised of all these random and predetermined moments.
Is it just a greater form of pareidolia at work, causing us to assume patterns and assigning significance where there is none. We shape the world and the world shapes us, is this a perpetual cycle or is it a wheel that might roll us towards some abstract destiny? Was my poem make any sense or did I simply threw some words together to tangle up into an ungrammatical mess? God, It didn't even have a fucking ryhme scheme
Arggh, this is all so disgusting and not funny! Screw it, I'm gonna to do Maths.
Friday, April 3, 2009
mousketears
Hmm, was browsing through Emmy-winning simpsons when I saw the best Pinky and the brain episode - Pinky and the Brain Christmas Special. It was just so amazing.
Directed by non other than Steven Spielberg himself who channelled his amazing powers from E.T and A.I into this special feature, it really made me wonder how the hell some1 like him could have made the CGI monkey shit that was "kingdom of the crystal Skull".
Oh yeh, heres one of my favourite convos from Pinky and the brain when I watched it as a kid.
(Brain) "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
(Pinky) Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim Brain.
(Brain) True.
(Pinky) I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?
(Brain) To my knowledge, never.
(Pinky) Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?
(Brain) Next to nil.
(Pinky) Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.
(Brain) Therefore, you *are* pondering what I'm pondering.
(Pinky) Poit, I guess I am!
Directed by non other than Steven Spielberg himself who channelled his amazing powers from E.T and A.I into this special feature, it really made me wonder how the hell some1 like him could have made the CGI monkey shit that was "kingdom of the crystal Skull".
Oh yeh, heres one of my favourite convos from Pinky and the brain when I watched it as a kid.
(Brain) "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
(Pinky) Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim Brain.
(Brain) True.
(Pinky) I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?
(Brain) To my knowledge, never.
(Pinky) Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?
(Brain) Next to nil.
(Pinky) Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.
(Brain) Therefore, you *are* pondering what I'm pondering.
(Pinky) Poit, I guess I am!
Clowns will be jokers, rats will be bats
Yeh, thinkquest in done. Teehee, now only left econs test, PI, KI lit review and cons project.
Well anyway, I had this really awesome dream last week, its was the best dream ever cos it featured Batman, and the not the exploding-shark-batman.
Well, I was aliens, yep, aliens,as in plural, fuzzy abouthow that really work out. Anyway, I had blasters and stuff and purple skin, and wore darth vader masks, which is freaking awesome. Then, suddenly, Batman punched me cos he is VIOLENT and BADADASS.
Then he totally dissapeared and then appeared, punched random mes and then disspeared. He then appeared and throw batwangs at me and then disspeared again.
Probably thought it was funny or something.
Somehow his ninja skills was so awesome he could basically hide from all the MEs even though he was a fuckin giant bat.
After he kicked more ass
Random me: why are you owning our ass
Batman : I am the goddamned Batman.
He could actually be seen when he said this so I shot him
ANd he deflected it with a Btawang and killed me.
Another ME: Batman doesn't kill!
Batman took off his mask and said: "Why so serious?". Guess who that was. Well, so the random MEs ran like idiots and then my dad woke me up.
The only way the dream could have been more awesome is that the Random MEs can tear off the our Darth Vader masks and become Batmans.
Well anyway, I had this really awesome dream last week, its was the best dream ever cos it featured Batman, and the not the exploding-shark-batman.
Well, I was aliens, yep, aliens,as in plural, fuzzy abouthow that really work out. Anyway, I had blasters and stuff and purple skin, and wore darth vader masks, which is freaking awesome. Then, suddenly, Batman punched me cos he is VIOLENT and BADADASS.
Then he totally dissapeared and then appeared, punched random mes and then disspeared. He then appeared and throw batwangs at me and then disspeared again.
Probably thought it was funny or something.
Somehow his ninja skills was so awesome he could basically hide from all the MEs even though he was a fuckin giant bat.
After he kicked more ass
Random me: why are you owning our ass
Batman : I am the goddamned Batman.
He could actually be seen when he said this so I shot him
ANd he deflected it with a Btawang and killed me.
Another ME: Batman doesn't kill!
Batman took off his mask and said: "Why so serious?". Guess who that was. Well, so the random MEs ran like idiots and then my dad woke me up.
The only way the dream could have been more awesome is that the Random MEs can tear off the our Darth Vader masks and become Batmans.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Why so sullen? Edward Cullen
Vampires are awesome
Vampires that do not drink blood are losers
Sparkling vampires that do not drink blood are gay losers
Spakling vampires that do not drink blood and fuck with their food ( Jim Levenstein from American Pie is not the only one insert their parts into random objects) are Edward Cullens
Enough said (or not)
the only thing worse than the characters in this poor excuse for toilet paper is her writing. I could imagine Meyer rupturing in organsm as she wrote about the "cold marble lips of the living Adonis".
For a good modern intepretation of vampire romance, I recommend Peeps by Scott Westerfield but the best is still "I am legend" (not the Will Smith version you saw in theatres)
Vampires that do not drink blood are losers
Sparkling vampires that do not drink blood are gay losers
Spakling vampires that do not drink blood and fuck with their food ( Jim Levenstein from American Pie is not the only one insert their parts into random objects) are Edward Cullens
Enough said (or not)
the only thing worse than the characters in this poor excuse for toilet paper is her writing. I could imagine Meyer rupturing in organsm as she wrote about the "cold marble lips of the living Adonis".
For a good modern intepretation of vampire romance, I recommend Peeps by Scott Westerfield but the best is still "I am legend" (not the Will Smith version you saw in theatres)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
WHAT TIME IS IT?!
Contrary to popular belief, tiger beer is not made with tiger penis, so I declare this poem time.
Blue bells of Valentines
Red lines of twine
My cupid has resigned
To a depressed rest
In the treasure chest
Locked below my breasts
You’ve hidden the only key
Among rose petals beneath your tree
That curves with your gleaming crescents
Beaming smiles for my constant anti-depressant
I hear the grave tolling of the blue bells
The melancholy and lonely its notes foretells
Trapping my heart in its musical cell
Guess I’ll play my forlorn tune
And linger in this gloomy cocoon
Hoping that full moons get faded soon
Neither is it Valentines but since life is absurd according to KI, I shall try to be as ridiculous
"I could not bear to see your heart broken, so I cracked your skull open"
that would make an awesome Joker quote. Teehee
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